Payroll

If I could convey the words "Don't Panic" in bright friendly letters via our messaging system I would do that.  What would follow those words would be a casual reference to the "Hitchhiker's Guide to Utah," paper edition, which would, under the category "Payroll" contain the following information:

"Utahn's enjoy more than just holidays and green jello salad parties.  Typically, twice a month they enjoy a ritual known as 'payroll' wherein the individual, or company that employs such thrill seekers, on their behalf, bestows upon them a form of payment causing no end of delight to the hearts and minds of those diligent enough to warrant such an event in their lives.

Unlike holidays or green jello salad parties that pass by too quickly, causing minor disappointment to the populace who feel for such gayous occasions, the rapid passing of the event known as "payroll" has been known to cause small scale rioting among those that truly live on the edge.  With that understanding, many companies have outsourced their payroll function and "pass the buck" (See Topic 'Scapegoat') when they hit a problem with a delayed payroll event.  This causes notably less rioting and merely heightened anxiety for those living "check to check" (See Topic 'Budgeting').

On occasion employers try to teach their employees certain lessons in patience by delaying delivery of paychecks, but this is an uncommon practice and has in a few instances proven disastrous such as the Teton Dam incident experienced in Idaho when workers plugging certain holes in the dam with their fingers were inadvertently told their payroll courier was stuck in traffic and they left their posts to picket the transportation department for better light sequencing to allow their courier to better deliver their paychecks.

On the whole, employees are quite an understanding bunch and cause few issues for employers unless they have an anxiety disorder known as 'bank-intolerance' for which there is but one cure.  Payroll."